If you aspire to one day flop your way around a riding ring, second-guessing yourself and struggling mightily to approach mediocrity, then this simple guide is for YOU.
1. Make sure you are born into a non-horsey family.
*Bonus points if one or both of your parents are terrified of horses.*
|A floppy ammy in the making, Boston 1980.|
2. Kick, scream and cry that you "Want to ride horses" when dance lessons, swim, gymnastics or sports of any kind are proposed as an alternative.
3. Bewildered grandparents may take pity on you and arrange for weekly 1/2 hour lessons on a kind local lesson pony. Do not be fooled. They are just waiting for you to discover boys and grow out of it.
|A floppy ammy in her element.|
4. Make sure you are born with zero coordination and no innate athletic ability to speak of. This will help immensely as you attempt to balance yourself atop a 1200 lb flight animal.
5. Give up the whole "lesson thing" when it is discovered that your Aunt-in-law's sister's friend has a horse in her backyard. Who cares if it has a serious bucking problem that no one has been able to fix? It's a horse.
6. Spend the remainder of your teenage years mostly trail riding. You may think you're a good rider... But you're not.
7. Take 10 years off in your 20's to be young, poor and deluded.
Move to New York City, known for being the mecca of horses and horse-riding.
8. Return to your hometown in your early 30's. Announce to your old riding instructor that you "want to be good". Make sure you begin your re-riding career on a sensitive, anxious horse that is deemed a "Pro-Ride".
9. Spend the next 6 years finding out how much you actually DON'T KNOW.
|Floppy Ammy Strikes Again!|
10. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Love every minute of it!
*Disclaimer - this post was written largely tongue-in-cheek. Floppy Ammy is grateful for the experiences she has had, and for everyone who has helped her along the way.